Well My names Keith Lemon and I know I'm a household name
mainly due to my successful Securipole product and
appearances on Bo Selecta and Big Brother. However
be surprised to know life wasn't always so kind to me and I have
had to work hard to get to where I am today.
am from Leeds and this is where my first business venture began.
I didn't do college I just left school and went straight into
setting up my business Rhino Jeans. I lived at home with
me Mam and Dad and my brother Gregory. My brother Gregory
is a pillow biter and if you don't know what that is well it
means a wooley wufter. I don't have problem with
that though as I'm quite liberal I like all kinds, yellow,
black, cream, pink, lesbicans I don't get irate about it.
My Rhino jeans were sold on Leeds Market as I had my own stall
there. My plans back then were to be successful and earn
enough money to buy me mam a decent set of teeth and go and live
My Rhino jeans empire didn't go to plan and
after too many complaints about them i decided to pack it in and
come up with a new idea. My new product was
Securipole a 2 foot shaft, yes a 2 foot shaft! to put on
your driveway to stop evil scumbuggers from stealing
automobiles. This proved a huge success
and earned me my prestigious business man of the year award
1993. After the award i had lots of attention from the
ladies and ultimately my downfall as I never say no even if they
were a big fat minger. I managed to blow most of my money
on booze and cheap women but it was fun while it lasted.
I lived a quiet couple
of years then I was approached to star in TV
programme "Keith Lemons One Night Stands" to help folk
who couldn't get a bird. As due to my success I
had loads of birds looking to be Mrs Lemon so I was more
than an expert in the field. My date on the show
was Tess Daly and for all my efforts I didn't manage to
have her. I'm sure she was a lesbican.
Despite my failings on that show I managed other guest
appearances on the Bo Selecta shows which gave me a
opportunity to bring my Securipole product to the U S of
A. I teamed up with Fabio and had great
time. If you look at my videos you will see the
advert we made. I am now filming my own TV show
Keith Lemons very Brilliant World Tour which that starts
in March 2008.
I also plan to release my autobiography "Everyone wants
a slice of Lemon" real soon.
"Don't forget, if you don't make an
entrance you won't get in!"
GRAB YOUR COPY OF THE WORLD TOUR DVD
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